Future Mythology
AJ Robinson

My dad taught me that old saying: “Those who forget the past are doomed to re-live it.” Over the years, I’ve found it to be very true! It was the chief reason he encouraged me to study history, “real” history. He always laughed at those false histories that made people like the Founding Fathers sound like demigods. He loved the line from “1776” where Franklin talks about them being men, no more, no less, trying to get a new nation started under very trying conditions.

These days, I already hear the neo-cons talking about Ronald Reagan as if he was a demigod. To hear Sarah Palin or some other pundit talk, you’d think Reagan balanced the budget, cut taxes and, in his spare time, single-handedly brought down the Soviet Union!

With that in mind, I thought I might play a little game. How will future neo-cons describe this era? After all, as my dad taught me, we deify George Washington. To hear some people talk, you’d have thought he won every battle of the Revolutionary War, beat the British, without any help and then created our entire government. Here is my take on a future myth.

Following the dark days of the Peanut Farmer, with the Big Smile, America elected Sir Ron its President, by unanimous vote of the people. He marched into Washington and did all that he promised: cut taxes, balanced the budget, abolished abortions, erased the National Debt, and put the Dems and women in their place. He never compromised on anything! Even Jodie Foster’s husband couldn’t stop him. He shot at Sir Ron with an M-16 at point blank range, but, by Divine Intervention, the bullet only grazed him and Sir Ron subdued his own would be assassin. After that, all citizens were required to carry firearms and thus crime eliminated. He then turned to international affairs, and at a meeting in the Land of Ice, he accepted the unconditional surrender of all communists across the world. Free markets were set up in the former evil countries, and prosperity reined. Again, the people rejoiced at the strength of Sir Ron.

Ah, but presidents can only serve two terms, and the people wept as he retired and installed his son, George the First, to succeed him. Unfortunately, in the next election, a dark cloud in the form of the Evil One, The Clinton, swept across the land, and swept into office in a rigged election. Thus, H. “Morgana” Clinton became president, and her Court Jester, Slick Willie, became her consort. There followed eight years of darkness and depression as taxes went up, the deficit went up, and the National Debt crippled the people. When the Dems trampled the Constitution and stripped guns from the people, crime became rampant. As the number of abortions skyrocketed, the 47% demanded more and more of a free ride from the government, and the rich, I mean the “job creators,” crushed by huge taxes. As a result, God removed His Holy Writ of Protection from America and 9/11happened.

The people cried out for the return of Sir Ron, but, alas, he couldn’t save them. Instead, he sent his grandson, George the Second in his stead. Like Sir Ron before him, he set the nation right: no taxes, no deficits and no debt; he also managed to crush all terrorists in the world. The wars were necessary because of WMDs and paid for by the people liberated from oppression with their oil revenue.

Yeah, I know, silly. Hey, through the mists of the centuries, it’s easy to distort the truth. After all, look at how much re-writing of the past has been over just the past couple of decades. In fact, who knows, maybe this very story will form the basis for that future myth. Something like this is not too far off.

More’s the pity.