Zombees
Jennifer Flaten

Just in time for Halloween, there is a new monster to worry about Zombees. Zombees, as the bee community refers to them, are bees afflicted with some parasite or another that makes them into zombies.

No really, I can’t make this stuff up. If I could make this stuff up, I would in Hollywood pitching it to the SyFy channel. I can just see it as one of those low budget movies they seem to like so much, usually starring a gigantic mutated piranha or crocodiles and John Schneider--sadly not outsized or mutant; hey, I just got another script idea.

Come on admit it I won’t judge, you’ve watched Sharktopus, just to see what the shark and octopus combination looked like. Yes, before you ask I did watch it, but in my defense, I turned it off the minute I saw the creature. Although it was computer generated and I couldn’t see a zipper, like in the old monster movies. it was just as hokey.   

Enough of my fantasy of writing a low budget, no-buster, just made up that word, back to my bees.

Really, zombie bees, as if the mortal zombie apocalypse isn’t enough to worry about, now I have to worry about zombees.

Huh, now that I think of it zombie bees aren’t nearly as frightening as they first seem. I can just imagine them buzzing around and demanding hhhhoooonnney. They are even, dare I say it, kinda cute in an undead sorta way.

Besides, what are they going to spew pollen all over you? I am not worried; I bet I can take them with one giant flyswatter. Watch now I will be the first casualty of the upcoming Bee-pocolypse. I am on a roll with these made up words tonight.

Speaking of the upcoming zombie apocalypse, you know it is coming, look at the zombees, funny thing happened at Wal-Mart. No, I wasn’t attacked by zombies at Wal-Mart: that wouldn’t be funny at all. Actually, I was a tad worried there was a zombie shuffling around the photo department, but it turned out to be a Wal-Mart employee.

Anyway, I was in the hunting goods aisle, don’t ask why. Okay, I got lost looking for the paint aisle you happy now. Anyway I found a something really interesting or really dumb I have decided yet. It was the zombie blow dart kit.

Yes, blow darts and zombie used in the same sentence. This kit which contained blow darts and a vaguely zombie shaped target advertises itself, hopefully, extremely tongue in cheek, as a zombie defense kit.

Blow darts to take out the undead? At this point, I could argue the merits of using a blow dart to “kill” something that is undead but I realize this might make me seem a bit crazy. Let’s just say I find it highly unlikely a blow dart would do you any good against a real zombie, on the other hand, a well-placed blow dart might get the attention of the clerk who is ignoring you in the paint department. Not that I would have firsthand knowledge of such a thing, no I was merely speculating.