My soul yearns for peace, and silence. My spirit starves for higher things than my mind has the ability to imagine, or comprehend, on it's own.
I have a headache from all the noise around me. My brain is flooded with chaos, and confusion! There is no peace within me.
I am miserable in this world, I have created.
I'm sick of hearing my own voice. My thoughts shame me. They are weak, self-centered, and most often, unpure. They are limited by my understanding; controlled by my emotions. I can't trust them. I can't rely on them. They will deceive, and betray me.
My desires are carnal. They, too, will bring suffering to me.
My eyes have been blinded. My hearing, impaired. My senses are dull; almost numb. The word sand actions of others, around me, are mostly vulgar, perverted, and profane. I wish they would just be quiet. I don't want to hear the things they are saying. I don't want to be a part of it. It reminds me that I often speak, in the same manner, as they do. I feel ashamed that this is true.
I wonder, how this can be? How did I end up like this? This is not the kind of person I want to be!.
The noise around me is driving me crazy! It seeks to convert me into itself. It is deafening my ears, to hear the truth. I am allowing it.
The noise of the world refuses to be silenced. It insists on being heard. It wants me to believe it's all there is. But, I know better.
The answer to my yearning is hidden in a place beyond myself. It's hidden in a place beyond everything. It can only be found in silence. There, it will be revealed to one's heart.
A few days ago, I was sent to work on a beautiful, high-rise, condominium complex, that is being built on Clearwater, Beach, in the state of Florida.I, deliberately, arrived to work early, so that I could spend a few minutes walking on the beach, before starting my day.
It was very early in the morning.. The sun had not, yet, risen. The beach was empty of it's usual, tourists, and sun worshipers. They were still sleeping, I suppose. No one was out there, to witness the beaches, peaceful, morning glory, but myself.
I walked, in silence, for about half an hour. I watched, and listened, to the gentle ocean waves, as they washed into the shore. I looked up to the sky, at the stars, shining brightly above. I stood in awe of the beauty that surrounded me.
Why can I not see this beauty during the daylight hours? Why can I not hear the sounds of peace, while other people are around me? I wondered, "Why?."
After walking awhile longer, I sat, to rest, on a bench, along Beach Walk, facing the ocean. A cool, morning breeze blew across my skin. I watched the birds soaring above the water. I thought, "What amazing creatures they are!" They seemed to be enjoying the morning serenity, as much as I was.
Amid the wonders of the quite ocean waves, and the magnificent, starlit sky, I didn't feel insignificant, as one might imagine, I would've. I felt very much a part of the universe, just as beautiful, and wonderful, as every other part of it.
That morning, regardless of my imperfections, and despite my carnal weaknesses, I knew the creator of the universe was aware of me, and that He cared for me. I knew there was a reason for my existence, and a purpose, for my life. I knew I was not alone. He was there with me, in the silence, of my heart. I could feel my importance to him. I knew I was loved.
My final thoughts, as the sun began to rise, was, "This is priceless! No amount of money can buy the peace I have experienced in this last half hour. I must come do this, more often."
A new day had dawn. The world was waking up, now. I could hear the noise of the world, starting all over, again. I dreaded, to have to re-enter it.
Cars were racing up and down the street, in a hurry to get where they were going. Loud, work trucks were pulling into the the complex. I could, already, hear the workers shouting their foolishness, and profanities, at one other. Even before they walked into the building.
A few moments later, I could hear the sirens, from police cars, and emergency vehicles, in the distance. Accidents were already happening. People were in trouble. People were needing help. People were hurting.
It was time for me to go to work. It was time for me tore-enter the world of noise. I didn't want to go. I had no choice. I wanted to remain in the peaceful place, where I felt nothing but goodness, and love.
I put on my hard hat, picked up my lunch box, and headed towards the building. Although I dreaded the day of work ahead of me, I felt empowered, somehow. My time, in the presence of silence, gave me strength, that day, to carry on.
I decided to be a blessing, and a light, to others, that morning, rather than the bad and well on the miseries of life. It turned out to be a very good day.
This morning, upon awakening, I was reminded of my need, to be in the presence of silence. I longed for it, with my very first thought. I needed to hear it's voice, once again. I didn't want to start my day hearing anything else. I was determined to, be still, for a moment, and listen to the sound of silence.
My flesh rebelled against me. It wanted to, instantly, be entertained. It is my habit to jump up out of bed, and turn on the morning news, or the local radio station. My flesh wanted to hear some music! It wanted to boogy! It wanted to get up, leave my bedroom, and go talk to someone. It wanted to make a phone call, or spend some time on the computer. It wanted to eat. It tried to convince me it was starving!
I had to force myself to remain still, even for a minute. My whole body was fighting against me. Including my bowels!
I sat in my bedroom chair, for as long as I could stand. During that time, I was amazed at some of the ideas I came up with, concerning the days agenda. I thought, "This is going great! I'm going to come right back to this, but right now, I need to go grab something to drink."
I went to the kitchen, poured myself a cold glass of milk, and plopped right down at the computer! My brother was weighing heavy on my mind. I wanted to send him a quick message, of encouragement, and then, I would get back to my rest.
It never happened. It was too late. The silence had been broken. My day, my way, had begun.
The sound of silence. Can we really hear it? Does it really speak to us? If so, what does it say?
I believe we can hear it. It will speak to us, if we are willing to turn our ears to it. It speaks to us the ways of peace, righteousness and love. It wants to show us amazing, and wonderful things, that we are incapable of seeing on our own.
Throughout my days, I hear the voice of peace, whispering through the noise, trying to get my attention. "Can you hear me now?" It asks.
I answer, "Just barely. Could you please speak up a little?
I hear, the voice of peace, whisper, a little louder this time, "Come unto me, you that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
M Adam Roberts lives and writes from Clearwater, Florida.
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