Saturday 01 Oct 2016

Let's Hear it for Mom
Jennifer Flaten

I love the perks that come with being a Mother. I won't lie to you, these perks I speak of can be few and far between. Moreover, the perks often don't outweigh all the crap that you get as a mom, but the perks are there.

The best part is that these are real perks, not those fake perks like satisfaction of raising a well adjust adult.

No the perks I speak of are tangible things like cake, ice cream and balloons.

Are you waiting for some examples?

Okay, as a mother you can go to the park and swing on the swings to your hearts content.

Oh, you don't think that is a big deal. You try going to a park and swinging without a little one in tow and see how long you last. I bet before you can say "Push Me" the men in blue will arrive to escort you out of the park.

The same goes for the carousel. It is a rule you must have a kid to ride. The only time you can ride the carousel without a small child and not get the evil eye is if you are in love.

Even then, it's a little tricky. The only reason you should be on the giraffe is if your guy is on bended knee proposing to you. Otherwise, if you and your honey are just a regular middle aged couple attempting to riding the giraffe you're gonna get kicked off the ride.

Another perk, say you want ice cream. With kids, you have a built in excuse to get ice cream, you aren't taking yourself for ice cream....no that would be decadent. You are taking the kids out to get ice cream.

Never mind they never said a word about ice cream, you are just doing your momly duty, taking one for the team as it were.

Of course, the fact that you ordered your double cone with sprinkles and extra nuts first and your kids really don't like ice cream is neither here nor there.

How about a pajama day, it certainly is a perk. Well, if an adult stays in their pj's all day it is being a sloth.

Not if you are a mom, then you are doing it to please your kids.

Come on, if its cold, wet and dreary out what better reason do you need to stay inside? Plus, staying cozy in pajamas and building fort that spans the entire living room is such a nice way to spend a rainy day. There is an added bonus can't vacuum the living room with the fort in the way.

Same thing applies to pancake night. As an adult if you feed yourself pancakes for dinner it means you are either a really bad cook or lazy.

Now if you are a mom and you make pancakes for dinner then you are a brilliant strategist who knows how to get her kids to eat.

I think the best mom perk is kids give you tons of excuses to play on a beautiful day.

Without kids, you feel obligated to clean the toilet on Saturday morning, even if you really want to go to the beach.

Ah, but with kids you get to skip boring chores and go to the park, zoo, or beach. After all, it is all in the name of keeping the kids happy. Yeah, right, the most important person who's happy is mom!

Without kids, you would feel a little silly sitting through another showing of Monsters vs. Aliens, but with your kid at your side, it makes it a-ok!

And yes, my kids did want the extra large vat of popcorn and a diet Pepsi thank you very much.

Really, I am not recording Nickelodeon's The Penguins of Madagascar for myself, so I can watch it later and giggle, I am recording it for the kids.

Must I even say that having kids around reminds you that human bodies make all sorts of interesting noises at inappropriate times?

Not to mention, that sometimes it is completely and totally okay to fall into a fit of giggles about it, instead of pretending that it never happened.

No matter how much fun your spouse or partner is they aren't going to enjoy an egg hunt or scavenger hunt the way that kids will.

No one, and I mean no one, can oooh and ahh about a present like a kid can, although I would be willing to try for a huge sparkly diamond ring.

How about all those summer nights spent looking for shooting stars and trapping fireflies? This is not really something an adult would do without the kids.

Frog hunting is something no adult can do alone; I mean that would be just plain weird. Yet, there is nothing wrong with a family of five going off to the pond with a net and an empty ice cream bucket.

For the record, we have a catch and release program. Why, yes, that was I chasing the frog across the parking lot after he got away. Warning they are extremely slippery.

Who else but your kids, before they get all teenagy on ya, are going to tell you that you are great?

No one else is going to tell you that you look pretty or smell nice. Well, not unless they want something, which kids frequently do but they still mean it when they say it.

So go ahead enjoy your every day mother's day perks!

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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