I grab what I hope is the absolute last festive holiday decoration, knowing that it's not. There is, lurking somewhere in the house, another Christmas themed decoration. It evades roundup simply because 30 days after carefully placing it on the shelf, wall or tabletop I have looked at it hundreds of times and no longer see it.
Yet, moments after I return from what I think is the last trip down to the darkest corner of the basement where the ornaments are stored, I will spot the wayward-festive no longer- decoration.
Upon spotting the fugitive decoration, a few choice words will escape my lips, but otherwise I will try to ignore it. My success depends on whether the kids, whose eyes never left the television and wouldn't have noticed Santa had he strolled through the living room, when I was actually collecting the decorations, notice it.
If they do, a chorus of "mom you forgot one" will haunt me until I remove the offending item. Thus, begins the items exile in no man's land. I will put it in a holding spot on the kitchen counter, from there it will migrate to the catchall shelf by the basement door; there it languishes until I am ready to make another trip downstairs.
Weeks from now, I will catch Santa, Frosty or Rudolph staring balefully at me from that shelf reminding me that yet again I forgot to take it downstairs-mind you no one else in the house will grab the decoration and take it downstairs-apparently I am the only one with the skill set necessary to complete that task.
With this in mind, I cram the 'not really last' Christmas ornament into the box and quickly snap the lid shut. I double check to make sure the lid is tight.
Filled to the absolute top the box is a ticking time bomb. I imagine it springing open like a jack in the box and spewing Christmas decorations all over the house.
I wait a few seconds to see it the lid remains tight, it does....and with that Christmas is officially over at our house.
Don't get me wrong I love the holiday season, I just love it even more when it is over. Really, there is only so much holiday a person can take.
Now on to the New Year, we'll get that foolishness out of the way and everything will be back to normal. Yes, I know I sound like a curmudgeon-I am curmudgeon.
Oh, come on! Do we really need all resolution to exercise and eat right? Uh hu, name one resolution you kept-and resolving to not make resolutions doesn't count?
What about all the year-end recaps reported in the media? Is there someone out there pining for a comprehensive list of all the celebrities who died this year?
Aside from using this information to win some stupid bar bet I don't see the point, besides isn't that the point of any Google enabled device, useless information to win bets at your fingertips?
As if the regular lists weren't annoying enough we have super lists this year seeing as how a decade is upon us.
Sheesh, I didn't realize it was a decade -I am having a hard enough time remembering to buy a new calendar and refer to the New Year as 20-10, up until someone mentioned it to me in passing I hadn't stopped to consider that, the dawning of 2010 meant 10 years passed by!
I barely remember the events of last week, let alone 10 years ago! I suppose a few of those decades best lists might just jog my memory. Now if only I had a list of the location of all my Christmas decorations.
Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.
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