05:55:36 am on
Saturday 20 Jul 2024

Bah Humbug 2016
Matt Seinberg

As I mentioned in the past, I'm not a fan of holiday music. Nothing irks me more than walking into any store before Thanksgiving and hearing Christmas playing that early. That happened to me last year at JC Penney, and this year in Famous Footwear. I almost ran out screaming!

Hearing Christmas music, everywhere, before Thanksgiving bugs me.

Please understand that this has nothing to do with me being a non-practicing Jewish male. I just don't like hearing the same holiday music year in and year out. It's boring and annoying. One of the women I work with is a 70-something Catholic and she detests holiday music as much, if not more than I do.

I haven't asked her why, but I'm sure her answer is the same as mine.

People tend to stress out during the holiday season; worrying about how much they are going to spend on gifts; whom they should and shouldn't buy gifts and so forth. What should we get the kids this year? What do they want versus what do they need? Is it a new video game or new boots?

We don't go crazy anymore with Hanukah since the kids are older. We don't have to buy them toys, now it is shoes, sneakers and clothing. I usually buy the "fun" gifts, whereas my wife buys the "practical" gifts. I'm okay with that.

What I'm not okay with are kids of any age yelling at their parents in store with the words, "I want ...." I don't care what you want, you'll get what I decide to give you and hear them muttering what a brat they are, and why am I doing this crazy shopping?

Holiday shopping, over-stuffed parking lots and crazy drivers is a scary mix.

Then there are the crazy drivers on the roads and in the parking lots. Holy crap, do people forget how to drive in a polite manner when the holiday season rolls around? It would be nice if they actually stopped at stop sign, instead of rolling right through it and causing an accident.

We have red light cameras at most major intersections her on Long Island, and it's a real treat to see some of these morons roll right through the red light and see the flash of the camera capture that moment. Happy Holidays moron, you're paying the county a $145 ticket for that Kodak moment.

Parking lots are truly crazy at this time of year. No one will you a break. How many times have you seen a car pull out of spot you've patiently been waiting for with your signal on, and some idiot shoots into that spot while giving you a smirk that basically says screw you, I was faster to pull in.

Do you get out of your car with a baseball bat and threaten to bash in their car or their head? Alternatively, do you wait until they walk away and then bash in their car or let the air out of their tires?

Shopping on-line means avoiding pushy crowds at malls.

Then it's fighting the crowds in the store. I can't take it. That's why I do the majority of my shopping on line, and either have it shipped to my house, or I'll pick it up at the store at time that's convenient for me. I want to get in, pick it up, and get out.

I ordered 4 shirts from Kohls on-line, and of the 4 shirts, I ordered the wrong size for 3 of them. I braved the cold weather and crowds, went to my local store, and actually found the same colours in the right size! Yay, me! I went to customer service to do the exchange and managed to get the slowest guy behind the counter. For every three transactions everyone else was making, this fellow was doing one. I wanted to scream in utter frustration, but I didn't.

So be polite. Be friendly and hold your temper. The heart attack or aneurysm you may save could be your own.


Matt Seinberg lives on Long Island, a few minutes east of New York City. He looks at everything around him and notices much. Somewhat less cynical than dyed in the wool New Yorkers, Seinberg believes those who don't see what he does like reading about what he sees and what it means to him. Seinberg columns revel in the silly little things of life and laughter as well as much well-directed anger at inept, foolish public officials. Mostly, Seinberg writes for those who laugh easily at their own foibles as well as those of others.

More by Matt Seinberg:
Tell a Friend

Click above to tell a friend about this article.