Sunday 04 Dec 2016

Sour Milk
Matt Seinberg

I’m at work today and I over hear a couple of friends talking about something that happened earlier in the day with another co-worker and how mean and grumpy he was. Of course, I chimed in with the following quip: “He’s more like sour milk; it only gets worse with age.”

They both started laughing and admitted that was the funniest thing they heard all day. Yes, I’m a funny fellow.

Naturally, that starts me thinking about how mean and nasty people can really get, and how funny it can get when someone gets riled up. There is nothing more hilarious than some woman or man yelling and screaming for no good reason about something stupid. You can’t help but laugh when their face gets all red and flustered, eyes wide open and ready to burst.

That can backfire if they have a heart problem, or something undiagnosed like a brain aneurism. I don’t think it would be that funny if they just keeled over in mid yell. Then it’s just sad.

How many of us get frustrated when we’re driving, and someone else does something stupid that could cause an accident? My pet peeve is idiots that don’t signal when changing lanes or about to make any sort of turn. I pretty much expect that sort of thing in Florida, but in any other state, it’s just annoying.

I was running errands with Melissa, on Friday. She counted how many times I said, “What an idiot!” about another driver. I think the final count was around ten or so and each deserved. They included people changing lanes without signaling, stealing a parking space, going to slow in the left lane, signaling without actually doing something, and talking on a cell phone while trying to make a turn.

Where’s a cop when you really need one?

You’ve surely heard the expression, “sour grapes.” Loosely put, it’s someone who is mad about somebody else telling them no and holding a grudge. Most normal people just let things like that slide, but the sour person will hold on to it until it shrivels up like a raisin. Do grapes get sour, or are they just bad sometimes? I had some grapes for lunch that were okay, not great, but not sour. Maybe they didn’t have enough time to get mad before I ate them.

Let’s face it; there is nothing worse than sour milk. You take it out of the fridge, open the container and pour it into your cereal or coffee, stir it, take a sip or bite, and it’s awful. You make that horrible face that pretty much says it all. So do you spit it out or painfully swallow it?

If you’re near the sink, spit. If not, good luck.

Phil Vassar said it best in his song, “Just Another Day in Paradise,” with this line; “I take a drink of milk, but the milks gone sour, my funny face makes your laugh, twist the top back on and put it back.”

Let’s face facts; if I’m not sure about the milk, I’m going to smell it, first, before I use it, especially in the summer. I’m just naturally cautious about certain things, and sour milk is not my idea of a refreshing beverage.

Just as I don’t like sour milk, I’m not a fan of sour people. Heck, I don’t even like sour gummies. Since you can't spit out or pour sour people down the drain, there are several choices when dealing with them.

First, kill them with kindness. Just agree with everything they say, and eventually they will just shut up. If that doesn’t work, give them a taste of their own sourness. The last choice is to just ignore them, and hope they just go away.

Out of the three, my favourite is the last one. One other thing, don’t show fear or make eye contact. If that happens, they might just want to talk to you again.

Matt Seinberg lives on Long Island, a few minutes east of New York City. He looks at everything around him and notices much. Somewhat less cynical than dyed in the wool New Yorkers, Seinberg believes those who don't see what he does like reading about what he sees and what it means to him. Seinberg columns revel in the silly little things of life and laughter as well as much well-directed anger at inept, foolish public officials. Mostly, Seinberg writes for those who laugh easily at their own foibles as well as those of others.

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