Tuesday 25 Oct 2016

Jennifer Flaten

After I receive my morning newspaper delivery, which is hand delivered by the way, by tiny pajamas clad children. In our house, it is a big deal to fetch the paper, the children actually fight over who gets to run to the paper box and retrieve the paper. Yes, we have a dog, but this is outside his skill set.

Who am I to stop them?

Hey better they go out in their jammies then me. When they run out to the paper box in pjs they look cute and sweet, if I do it I look disheveled and crazy.

After receiving the morning paper, a relatively thin edition, even on a busy news day, I arrange it in its proper reading order.

Come on, show of hands who does this too? I can't be the only one.

Fine, fine maybe I am the only one moving along. I have a certain order to reading the paper. First, I look at business & local news, then I take a little humor break and read the entertainment or comics section.

Thus fortified I can continue on to the world news. I know, I know you would think that I would save the comics for after the world news, lord knows you need a laugh after reading those stories, but I just can't wait that long.

Usually, the business and local news is depressing enough; I can't face the world news without first laughing at Bucky & Satchel in Get Fuzzy or the crocs from Pearls before Swine.

So as per my usual routine, this past weekday (it was a Tuesday) morning found me slumped bleary eyed at the table reading the paper and slurping my early morning beverage. I would tell you what it is but you think I am weird enough already, so I'll just keep this info under my hat.

In the local section my eye spied a headline that proclaimed 'Proposed roundabouts by Lambeau Field cause concern'.

For those who are not from Wisconsin and thus automatically Packers fans, Lambeau Field is located in Green Bay and is the home of the sainted Green Bay Packers. A more dedicated bunch (some might say rabid or even nuts) fans you will never find.

Of course, fueling this dedication is beer, hard liquor, cheese and various forms of smoked meat. The tailgating and pre game shenanigans are legendary. These people drink, grill and drink some more in sub zero weather. Everything as far as the eye can see is awash in green and gold.

Trust me when I say everything else in Green Bay grinds to a halt when the pigskin hits the AstroTurf (Note: I know it's not AstroTurf, but grass hybrid just isn't as funny).

Anyway, this headline had my curiosity piqued so I skimmed the article.

In a nutshell, it said that the Dept. of Transportation intends to install that new hot ticket in traffic flow, the roundabout near the stadium.

Now the problem was not so much with the roundabout itself, more about the users of said roundabout.

Lawmakers are concerned that the drunken fans may find the roundabouts challenging to navigate after the game. Cue mental image of people driving right through the center of the roundabout ala Homer Simpson.

One D'oh and head slap later I had to admit, unfortunately that they had a point.

The roundabout, while the greatest thing since sliced bread to the transportation officials in this state (keeping in mind it is probably passe in all other 49 states), probably would be too much for an inebriated cheese head to maneuver after the game. Frankly, I worry about some of the sober ones ability (I kid I kid).

We have roundabouts popping up here like mushrooms. They seem to work fine; I am just naturally suspicious of something that the government is pushing so hard. The government is forever hopping on the latest "it" thing only to discard it later when the facts disprove the "it" thing.

Right now, we are spending a gazillion dollars to make cute little roundabouts that in 10 years will be dug up when the new "it" traffic controller comes to town.

I hope that whatever that is, it will be easy for drunken guys wearing foam cheese on their heads to navigate.

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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