Friday 21 Oct 2016

A Day for Mom
Jennifer Flaten

It has come to my attention, mainly because I finally flipped the calendar from April to May that another holiday is rapidly approaching.

Yes, it is that time of year again, Mother's Day is next Sunday and unlike other holidays, I heartily endorse this holiday. Okay, so the main reason I like this holiday is that it involves gifts for me. Who doesn't like getting gifts? I like flowers and chocolate in case you were wondering.

As a public service, because I am all about the public service, I am reminding you that Mother's Day is only a week away. Commence panicking now!

Next Sunday, you won't be able to go out for brunch without fighting your way through a herd of corsage-adorned women.

Unless you are a total procrastinator, which I am not-for this particular holiday anyway, you have some sort of plan for what you are going to do for your mom for Mother's day. Yes, your plan counts even if you just thought of it right now.

One of the things you should definitely not do is forget that it is Mother's Day.

I am thirty-cough, cough, and I still remember the year I forgot. Such a harsh word forgot, so let's say, not really forgot, more like didn't remember it was Mother's Day until it was too late.

From this experience, I learned that hell hath no fury like a mom who didn't get a present. I also learned there is no excuse-none-that you can offer that will make it okay that you didn't even get your mom even a card.

So don't even try it, even if the excuse involves aliens, UFOs and probes it won't cut you any slack with your mom.

That is why I am reminding you. I am hoping to save you from the guilt-ridden agony of listening to your mom say, "That's okay, it's no big deal." When you know that it is a big deal and boy oh boy you are so totally gonna be doing all the icky chores for the next couple of months.

Enough of the trip down memory lane, as a mom, I know what I want for Mother's Day, and I think a majority of other moms would agree.

What a mom wants, oh, please, oh, please, is a day with absolutely no fighting. That's right one whole day without someone bopping someone else over the head over the television remote. One whole day without hearing that is was an "accident" child a banged child B's head into the refrigerator.

This moratorium on fighting would also mean that the moms of the world would be able to go a whole day without hearing such phrases as "I got here first," "Stop touching me" and "You smell." As we all know, these particular phrases are incendiary and fisticuffs always follow.

Before you think, you are all smart we do not want any silent fighting either. It is not necessary to explain silent fighting to anyone who has multiple children or who had siblings growing up.

We are moms, we have special radar that informs us when you are rolling around on the floor locked in silent battle; yes we do, don't talk back to me.

Aside from that all moms love - yes, we do - all the stuff that our kids make for us. Even if it is so oddly shaped and of no use whatsoever we love it and we keep it in a box, drawer or perhaps 24hr storage facility until such a time when we can drag the box over to the now grown child's house and give it them along with other childhood "mementos."

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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