Tuesday 27 Sep 2016

Caution: a health hazardous
Jennifer Flaten

I was sitting down to lunch; a nice little Oscar Meyer hot dog wrapped all snug in a bun. My dog reposed in its bun, slathered with ketchup, mustard and electric green relish, not because I particularly like those condiments, more because I need to disguise the "hot dog taste."

While hot dogs are not my favorite, I occasionally partake.

The hot dog is such an American food, even though we have all heard the rumors about what they contain. I think most of us prefer to turn a blind eye to these rumors, because when you are short of time, low in inclination or just plain broke a hot dog looks pretty tasty.

Besides, who doesn't like hot dogs?.

The anti-meat advocacy group The Cancer Project that's who! According, to the tiny blurb in my daily paper, the Cancer Project-and small aside here-I think it might behoove them to consider changing their name, to me the name implies they are giving people cancer-not fighting it.

Anyway, I spied the article just as I was about to bite into to my snappy little frank.

Seems this label happy group wants to force hot dog manufacturers to slap warning labels on hot dogs. Yes, you read that right. Warning. Labels. On. Hot. Dogs

This group claims that eating processed meat will give you cancer. Not sure, how many dogs a day you would have to eat, the article was a little scant on the real important scientific information.

I eyed my little tube steak suspiciously, could it be true? Is my innocuous looking little sausage really out to get me?

Hmm, I set my death on a bun down and thought about the groups claim. Sure, the "meat" of the hot dog is mysterious and it is really, really processed, some might say over processed yet, I have to say the hot dog is innocent of the charge of attempted murder.

My reason for believing in the hot-dog's innocence, for trusting that my wiener isn't going to kill me?.

Well, an awful lot of people grew up eating hot dogs and other processed meats and they didn't get cancer. Yes lots of people get many versions of the disease and it is terrible...but I'm just not buying' the whole evil hot dog thing.

Maybe if someone ate a lot, I mean huge massive quantities of hot-dogs a day, every day for their entire life they might die, but even then, I imagine they would probably die from scurvy or some other nutrient deficiency before they died of cancer.

I think the article should come with a warning label...caution overzealous fun killing pseudo science follows.

Perhaps a better label would be "warning another useless thing for you to worry about".

Sheesh, lately life has been crappy enough, people losing jobs, prices rising and now we have to worry that franks are out to get us.

Maybe the anti meat people are just jealous. It makes sense hot dogs are popular, they are frequently invited to parties, bbqs and amusement parks; I can see where veggie lovers would start feeling a little left out. Rarely do carrots and zucchini get a chance to party...so why not spread a little dirt on the dog.

Nothing works better then a smear campaign, just ask any politician. Of course, I prefer my dog smeared with ketchup and mustard but I digress.

Now if this groups reasoning holds true then everything should have a warning label.

I know, I know, society does indeed seem to be speeding in that direction. Hairdryers exhort us not to use them in the tub, toasters warn us not to stick our hands in them, and fireworks instruct us not to put them in mouth (huh, who knew).

This whole label thing is spinning out of control. I foresee a future where pets will come with warning labels.

The next generation of dogs will come with the following warning label "caution may bite", after that, babies will get warning labels slapped on them as they leave the hospital "caution may cry uncontrollably and drive you to drink."

Why even my writing may get slapped with a warning label "caution may make you bored, sleepy or irritated",

Why life itself should come with a warning "Caution eventually you are going to die"

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

More by Jennifer Flaten:
Tell a Friend

Click above to tell a friend about this article.




Please report typos or corrections
to the editor

Recommended

Recommended

Recommended

Ricardo Teixeira
The Future
The Unicorn
Harmony
Ricardo Teixeira