Thursday 08 Dec 2016

Bacon Me Crazy
Jennifer Flaten

Flipping through the food section of the paper, on my way to the comics, which as you know is my first stop on my morning tour of the paper; a colorful half page picture catches my eye. The picture shows an artistically arranged plate of chocolate truffles.

Mmmm, truffles, now that's tasty. Who doesn't like chocolate rolled into tiny little balls and dipped into more chocolate. Maybe I should check the recipe out...not that I would eat chocolate truffles for breakfast-well never more than two and then always raspberry or strawberry...you know for the fruit.

No, no my interest in the truffles is purely altruistic. Really, it is. Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching and I haven't purchased any chocolate, heart-shaped or otherwise.

I need to rectify this situation as soon as possible. Truffles are relatively easy to make. Perhaps, I could whip up a batch of truffles for gifts and if some of the truffles happened to mysteriously disappear from before reaching their final destination...well is that so wrong?

I scan the recipe. Let's see the sugar-check, chocolate-check, bacon-che ... uh, wait, bacon?

I double-check the recipe just to make sure that my attention hadn't wandered from sweet truffles to savory snacks. Nope, I am still reading the ingredient list for truffles.

I read the article again very carefully. It is entirely possible I misread the recipe. It wouldn't be the first time that happened and no, you don't want to know the details of that unfortunate kitchen experiment.

Upon closer inspection, it appears the name of the recipe is Bacon Truffles. No, I don't know how I missed the 14pt font that said that, I told you it was early.

Anyway, as far as I am concerned bacon and chocolate are two items that should never meet. Much as I like truffles little balls of bacon and chocolate just aren't my thing.

With a shrug, I continue onto the next recipe-baklava. Hmm, while I wouldn't actually make baklava, I simply don't have the patience necessary for that bit of kitchen wizardry it sure is tasty.

Ah, but for one brief moment while reading the article I can pretend to be someone with enough kitchen mojo to make homemade baklava instead of running to the local bakery and buying a box(mental note stop at bakery for baklava).

I scan the ingredient list. Yep, it has all the usual suspects; flour, sugar, butter, honey and-wait a minute! Bacon! Bacon baklava? Surely, this is a joke.

Honestly, isn't it bad enough for you with all the honey and sugar and such does it really need bacon in it?

Now don't get me wrong I like bacon. I prefer bacon sitting next to eggs or snugged-into a sandwich. It has no business meddling in my desserts.

That is just wrong, deeply, deeply wrong.

Hey, I live in Wisconsin, specifically Milwaukee so I am accustomed to odd recipes, most of them featuring the holy triumvirate of beer, brats and cheese (not necessarily in that order).

I have to admit this bacon and chocolate has Polish Reuben Casserole, honestly, look it up, beat all to hell.

I read the accompanying article, which extols the virtues of mixing bacon and chocolate. The newspaper ran a contest for the best recipe that combines the aforementioned items. There's a photograph, of the winner, holding up a large skewer of bacon enrobed in chocolate and sprinkled with sea salt. Obviously, the bacon wasn't salty enough for this fellow

Oh, for Pete's sake, just because you can put two items together doesn't mean you should! Yes, Hollywood I am looking at you. Now look what you started the food industry thinks it can do it too!

I am so irritated I snap the paper shut, without reading the comics.

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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