Within the past couple of months, Pfizer Inc. has introduced two new commercials starring women pitching their Erectile Dysfunction drug, Viagra. These commercials, supposedly geared to women, aim for men, fifty years of age and older. The idea is to sell more, better and longer sexual times with the women in the commercial; she represents their loved one.
My favourite is the sexy brunette by the pool. She's forty-something woman and wearing a shimmery blue dress. She tells us how much she wants her man to get and maintain a healthy erection.
This is on prime time national television for goodness sakes. It's bad enough my kids have to watch some of the crap that passes for entertainment, but now to watch this commercial during prime time is just too much.
Do you want one of your kids coming up to you and asking what Viagra is or how about this one? Someone asked me, “Dad, what's a weenie pill?” Oh my gawd.
The funniest line in the commercial is the announcer telling about the side effects, one of which could be an erection lasting more than four hours. Let's face facts, if most guys had an erection lasting that long, we'd run screaming into the streets, doing the dance of joy, as our hearts burst.
If that sexy brown-haired woman were in front of me, I doubt I would need Viagra, but I'd take in anyway and have her feed it to me, slowly.
Here are my Top 10 Reasons for taking Viagra.
10) After having sex with your woman for four hours straight, you wouldn't have to worry about her cheating. She'd be too sore.
9) If you died during sex, you'd need a taller coffin.
8) If you took Viagra with prune juice, you wouldn't know if you were coming or going.
7) GE could use it in their new commercials; "We bring dead things to life."
6) You'd feel like a kid again, being able to pee with a blue color and, possibly, have blue tinted vision.
5) The former catch phrase, "Whazz UP!," would take on a whole new meaning.
4) Hopefully, you have graduated from using a "floppy drive" in a computer to a "HARD Drive."
3) You could come up with a cool nickname for yourself, like "the $80 a pill man."
2) You could actually satisfy your wife, significant other or mistress more than once a year.
The Number One reason for taking Viagra is you can have four-hour erections and not call your doctor! Death where is thy sting?
Just don't answer the door in a robe after taking Viagra. The penis you hit with the door will be your own.
Matt Seinberg lives on Long Island, a few minutes east of New York City. He looks at everything around him and notices much. Somewhat less cynical than dyed in the wool New Yorkers, Seinberg believes those who don't see what he does like reading about what he sees and what it means to him. Seinberg columns revel in the silly little things of life and laughter as well as much well-directed anger at inept, foolish public officials. Mostly, Seinberg writes for those who laugh easily at their own foibles as well as those of others.
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