Monday 26 Sep 2016

Where's My Desert
Jennifer Flaten

It’s no secret that I like dessert; in fact, it is my favorite meal of the day. Truthfully, I prefer not to share my dessert, but I know that as a mom that just isn’t possible. The mom rules clearly state that if I have it, they must have it too. For little kids this applies to food and beverages, but as the kids get older, it applies to your clothes, shoes and vehicles.

Yesterday, I made a lovely pumpkin pie. It looked so large and full of delicious dessert possibilities when I pulled it out of the oven. Then I made a tactical error. I asked who would like a slice for dessert. I crossed my fingers, hoping no one would say yes. Everyone said yes. Drat. Now, I have to share my pie.

Just a few years ago, the kids wanted nothing to do with pumpkin pie specifically or dessert in general. When the kids were little I could make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and have that last through two weeks’ worth of desserts for me. Then the kids discovered sweets. Now, I am lucky if a dozen cookies lasts one afternoon; three kids, two cookies apiece, you do the math.

It always starts that way. The kids start out asking for a small taste of your dessert, snack or beverage and before you know it, they’ve inhaled the entire thing. I’ve had entire muffins disappear because someone wanted a taste. If one kid wants a taste then by god the other kids are going to have a taste too.

Yes, when they were little, I could give them the slimmest slice of pie and, after they slurped the whipped cream off, they would declare themselves done. Naturally, I would make the ultimate sacrifice and finish the whipped cream free slices. Oh, how I miss those days.

Now, I am must give them full-sized slices. Today, after I doled out their slices I realized a majority of the pie was gone. After, I had a moment of silence for my missing pie; I figured I would just make another pie. One the kids wouldn’t like maybe something such as mincemeat or I know, a fruitcake.

I’ve never liked coffee; if I went to a coffee shop, I would order a smoothie or one of those frozen, blended coffee drinks that is really just a shake with caffeine. That was fine, until the kids got old enough to ask for a taste.

After a few too many instances of my smoothie disappearing while making its way around the kids, I decided it was time to find a drink the kids wouldn’t like.

So I took up drinking chai. The kids don’t like chai, or they didn’t. I noticed the last time I got a chai; one kid was eyeing it up in a very predatory manner. Apparently, she acquired a taste for chai at a friend’s house.

It gets worse; my son is a habitual drink finisher. The minute I set down my drink, he asks if he can finish it. Regardless how much of the drink remains in the glass. I can set down a brimming to the top glass of root beer and he will ask to finish it. It also doesn’t matter what flavor the drink is, I could set down a liquid squid on the rocks and the kid would ask if he could finish it-in the case of liquid squid I heartily say ‘go ahead.’

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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