Sunday 04 Dec 2016

Spring Break Ends
Jennifer Flaten

I survived spring break! Oh, how I wish that meant I took a trip to an exotic location and did ridiculously daring things. Okay, so I am a big chicken and the most daring thing I would do is take the mini shampoo from the hotel, but I like the idea of an adventure.

Actually, I would even settle for a road trip to a mundane location, especially, if it involved lying in the sun doing nothing.  In this house with three turbo, charged terrors, erh, mean children, the only members of this family who lounged around in the sun this week were the cats. Those lazy bastards spend every day lying in the sun.

At some point, I know the kids will turn into lazy teenagers who do nothing but sleep all day and at that point, I will rejoice and climb back into bed.  Yes, I am a slug a bed, only because I often stay up late reading. If I love a book, I will finish it no matter what, even if it means reading while cooking dinner or staying up way past my bedtime. 

If I didn’t have children, I would be in bed until 9 am, instead of the ungodly hour of 6 am. The kids, who fall asleep instantly, arise so very, very early.

If you promise not to rat me out, I’ll tell share a little secret, sometimes I hear them puttering around in their room and I play possum. I throw the pillow over my head and pretend I don’t hear them.

The kids buy it, but the animals don't. They roust me out of bed because I am the food giver and they are hungry. If I don’t get up, I am positive they will eat me without hesitation.

Unfortunately, surviving spring break for me, means is I didn’t snap and go screaming out of the house in my pajamas. Oh, don't get me wrong, I did go out of the house in my pajamas to get the newspaper, but I wasn’t screaming at the time. 

After a week with the kids, I did develop a nervous tick. I now shout, “Stop that” at random intervals. The only road trip I took involved chauffeuring kids to the mall, because they had money to spend. I on the other hand spent all my money on gas to get to the mall. I admit that was a fun bit of role reversal. For once, I was the one slumping around, sighing and asking, “Are we done yet?” I have to say the whole week wasn’t too bad or maybe I am suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

Doesn’t matter, I made it and I am proud that I did it without resorting to chloroform, the real mother’s helper, or locking myself in the closet with a stash of Peeps.

Okay, okay maybe I did spend a little time “cleaning” out the closet, but I swear, Scout’s honor and, yes, it still counts even though I wasn‘t a Scout, it was merely a coincidence that I keep the Easter candy in that closet. As fun as the week was I am very happy they are back at school tomorrow. Then I don’t have to hide in the closet to eat the remaining Easter candy.

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

More by Jennifer Flaten:
Tell a Friend

Click above to tell a friend about this article.




Please report typos or corrections
to the editor


Recommended

David Simmonds
Irish
Hall of Fame
Appointment
David Simmonds

Recommended

Recommended