Wednesday 28 Sep 2016

Red Velvet Cupcakes
Matt Seinberg

We all have our favourite desserts, and one of mine happens to be red velvet anything, be it cupcakes or full-fledged, entirely cream cheese iced cake. The other is Voodoo Donuts, as I wrote about last year.

Here we are at the three quarters point through summer, and my almost 11-year-old daughter, Melissa, is done with camp. I get to entertain her on my two days off during the week. We both agreed that we didn’t want to go to the pool again today, even though it was a beautiful day.

I had a bunch of errands to run, starting with a haircut at 11:30 AM. I have been seeing the same haircutter for over 10 years now, and I wanted to get it done before we go on vacation. I made this appointment with Beth at my last haircut six weeks ago. I did this to see her before she gave birth to her third child.

I have to give Beth credit; she is a very brave woman. She already has two boys, ages three and one and a half. I asked her if she knew the gender of this one. She said no. I said it’s going to be a girl. I don’t want her outnumbered at home, as am I.

My next appointment will be with someone else in the shop, and then Beth is back in November, so I’ll only miss her once. Remember, I don’t like many changes in my life, as I’ve mentioned in other columns.

As we leave, I ask Melissa if she wants to stop at the bakery next door, and being the sweet tooth child she is, the answer was yes. In the display were the most incredible looking red velvet cupcakes, and that’s what we had to have as a treat after lunch.

The next stop was to the Van Heusen Outlet store. I needed a new white dress shirt for the vacation and hoped other clothes would be on clearance. I ended up getting a couple of casual shirts, so now I’m ready for the cruise.

Onto BJ’s Wholesale Club, where we went in only to get a gallon of milk and some cold cuts for lunch, and we walk out with much more. Isn’t that the way it always happens when we visit these clubs?

How about the huge bag of bacon bits; do we need this snack? I love to put them in omelettes and now there’s enough to last for many months. It’s sure easier than having to open a full package of bacon and cook one or two strips. Then there were the hamburgers, salad dressing and barbecue sauce that called out to me.

We finally made it to the deli counter and ordered Muenster cheese, roast beef and turkey breast. Put that on a toasted roll with lettuce, tomato and Thousand Island dressing and it’s a party in your mouth!

Still, the party wasn’t over, not by any stretch of the imagination! We still had the red velvet cupcakes in the fridge. I did what any cupcake eater does. I ripped off the bottom first. That makes it easier to eat the top with all that delicious cream cheese frosting.

The first lick of the frosting is always the best, sort of like your first kiss, only tastier. Ah, but the second is just as good, and so are the rest. Then all of a sudden, it’s gone! The party is over, and it’s time to pack up and leave for our next adventure.

We are well fed and it’s off to the park for miniature golf. Melissa already played once this week with her grandmother, but wanted to do it again. I figured that since I dragged her all over the place; that was the least I could do. She said it took about an hour for her and grandma to play, so we would be home in time for Michelle’s camp bus.

There were five people in front of us, moving at a decent pace, but after three mini holes, the offered to let us go ahead of them. Melissa whacked the ball, and it went flying out of bounds! One of those, in front of us, was nice enough to get it for us and she tried it again, this time keeping on the mini fairway.

Through the first nine holes, Melissa was keeping pace with me, but she was still losing. She kept asking me why I wouldn’t let her win. I had to explain this was a life lesson you won’t forget. The point is if you want to win, work for it. There is no pride involved when someone lets you win.

I got a blank stare from her. She asked I give her four reasons I should not let her win. I told her that was enough of a reason. The second nine holes went fast and before we knew it, an hour flew by and I won, 46 to 69. I hate to lose.

The lesson here is if you knew you’re going to beat the pants off your kid at a game, at least feed them a red velvet cupcake. That always makes everyone feel good.

Matt Seinberg lives on Long Island, a few minutes east of New York City. He looks at everything around him and notices much. Somewhat less cynical than dyed in the wool New Yorkers, Seinberg believes those who don't see what he does like reading about what he sees and what it means to him. Seinberg columns revel in the silly little things of life and laughter as well as much well-directed anger at inept, foolish public officials. Mostly, Seinberg writes for those who laugh easily at their own foibles as well as those of others.

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