Thursday 08 Dec 2016

Winning Winner
Jennifer Flaten

I might not be a warlock. I am not even a warlock in training. Still, I do know that if I created a storyline that involved a famous actor descending into madness, especially one who ran around saying things like “I’m a warlock” and “When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” any self-respecting editor would stamp my manuscript unbelievable and send it straight to the circular file.

Yet, Charlie Sheen runs around, wildly, saying these things, confirming, once again, how truth is indeed stranger than fiction. I know some people wonder if Charlie Sheen is just acting crazy. I he’s acting, he deserves the best actor of the millennium award.

I am not a Hollywood insider. In fact, I am about as far from a Hollywood insider as you can get, I freely admit I know zero about how the entertainment business works. Still, I am almost sure I know crazy when I see it.

Besides, I can’t see how anyone could sustain this level of nuttiness as an act. The man is everywhere. He’s on television, radio and the Internet; imagine his day planner. He wakes up, has a light breakfast, calls into to radio program and rants about how he’s “special”; take a nap, go on national television and explain how he’s not crazy; go out, score a speedball, whatever the heck that is, rant some more, collapse in a heap on the bathroom floor.

Frankly, I got exhausted typing a list of his daily routine. If he is doing it to make some point, I think he’s made it. I think he should take a nice long vacation. Time off that involves rubber rooms and white coats with arms that wrap around the back.

Sheen has turned into a walking, talking, make that ranting, “this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” poster. Still, it hasn’t hurt his popularity. In fact, he‘s more popular than ever. People can’t wait to see what new wacky thing he’ll do.

He does pose a conundrum, a sort of chicken and egg, if you will. Did the drugs make Sheen crazy or did the crazy make Sheen do drugs? Might it be both?

Sheen is the ultimate reality show. No amount of scripting or careful editing can produce this kind of train wreck. Crazy or not, I am sure he is getting all sorts of offers. I read he earned $50,000 per tweet; I am sure; “Crazy” a new fragrance by Charlie Sheen will be in stores soon.

A few days ago, Charlie posted a job opening for a social media intern. Thousands of people applied. I would like to think the bad economy is to blame, but people like associate with fame, even crazy, drooling fame.

Having worked for some crazy bosses, who didn’t exhibit their looniness until after I accepted the job, all I can say is at least you would know up front your boss is crazy. In addition, I would think after a stint with “Team Sheen,” as he is calling himself these days, you could pretty much tackle any job. I imagine negotiating with a hostile dictator would be a cakewalk after trying to get Charlie’s latte order correct.

Now Alec Baldwin is offering Charlie advice on how to win back the public. Not that Charlie needs to win back the public at this point, since they are hanging on his every crazy word, but every bit helps. I am sure Oprah has nothing to fear from Alec’s stint as advice queen.

Let’s see if Charlie takes it. Of course, it is most likely that he and Alec will team up for a new reality series, a boy’s version of the “Simple Life.” Alec and Charlie are just as believable as best buds having wacky adventures as Paris and Nicole.

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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